I heard a story from a friend about a guy she used to date. It was pretty funny (for me, not for her) -- for a belated Valentine's Day card, he found an old Mother's Day card, scratched out the Mother's Day insignia, and wrote out "Happy Valentine's Day." I also heard a story about a man named Oedipus...anyway.
If I had met him (the ex), I might have directed him to the beauty below:
(My friend might have also found it useful to utilize the GO TO HELL portion.)